COCOWYA
by StygianAngel
Summary: Dorian is back from hell and is sent on a misson, by the Devil himself. [Chock full'o laughs]
1. Chapter 1

Ending in a nutshell:Dorian was pinned to the wall and was shown his portrait. He turned into a nice pile'o crud vv okay ENJOY!

Dorian landed on the ground with a hard thud! He got up and wiped himself off. He looked around and a giant ball of fire appeared in front of him.

"Wow. That's hott."

"No pun intended? Any way, here's the deal. You're pushing up daisies and I have to deal with you."

"You sound thrilled."

"Well… you, my friend, are a special case. Since I already posses your soul, you are useless."

"Thank you… I needed that."

"I granted you immortality! HOW did you manage to DIE!"

Dorian groaned, "Mina."

The devil laughed, "OKAY! So, not only you messed with a girl, you messed with a girl VAMPIRE? That's just bad karma."

"Again, I thank you kindly."

"Come, we shall discuss your fate over diner. This should be fun," he said sarcastically.

Diner was served. It was a gruesome excuse for food.

"Thank you, but I'm not really hungry," said Dorian pushing his plate away.

"Maybe it's 'cause you where stabbed in the stomach," he said under his breath. Dorian rolled his eyes.

Once the Devil was done gorging on food, they left the dinning room and went into the Devil's thrown room. The Devil sat while Dorian stood in the middle looking around. Dorian finally broke the silence, "So… nice curtains you have here."

"Oh, yes. My decorator Martha Stewart visits hell every once in a while."

"Very nice…awkward silenceIt's very cold for hell."

"That's because the heater broke. Bob the builder should be meeting his fate with a bulldozer soon. I'll have him fix it."


	2. Chapter 2

Mean while, NOT in hell, the rest of the league gathered in Dorian's room where Mina was. They found Mina staring at the portrait. Tom looked over at the wall where mutilated body was. Tom screamed and pointed at the body, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW," he moaned, "That's SOOOO GROSSSSS!"

"'EY! Pull yo'self togetta," yelled Skinner, "I suggest if ya' don't wanna be like dat, you leave! Dose bombs are gonna espode soon!"

Mina took the portrait and while no one was looking, Skinner took Dorian's hat and cane.

"See ya' in h'ell," he yelled as he ran out after the rest of the team.

They all got out in time to watch the building explode.

"OOOOOOOOO…AHHHHHHHHH," the team said in stereo while watching.

When the fire work display was over they meet up with Nemo's crew who had another automobile big enough for all of them to all get back to the boat.

"I call it a… MINI VAN" said Nemo. They walked over to the car.

Tom looked inside and immediately said, "LAME."

Tom and Skinner took the back seat. Tom was staring outside through the window at the endless piles of snow and thinking about how much cooler the other car was. Skinner poked Tom to get his attention.

"Ey… 'EY! Tom," Skinner whispered. Tom looked over.

"Yes?"

"Who am I?" Said Skinner putting on Dorian's Hat and tried making a straight face.

"HEY! I WANNA WEAR IT!"

They began to fight but soon, Mina broke them up.  
"If you're going to fight, you can't have it at all," said Mina treating them like little kids. She took the hat away and went back to the front.

They kept quiet for about 5 minutes and then got reckless again. Skinner took out Dorian's Cane and poked Tom. Tom looked over and went back to staring out the window and daydreaming. Again, Skinner poked Tom with the cane. In under a mili-second, Tom hit the cane out of Skinner's hand and grabbed the cane from mid air and poked Skinner with it.

"'EY! Tat's not very nice! Give'r back!"

Without saying a word, Tom smirked, lifted the cane up to skinner's shoulder and slowly poked him. Skinner gasped slightly and lunged at Tom to get it back. They began to fight with each other once again.

Mina, once again, had Nemo stop the car, and got between their fight to stop them.

"Hey…Hey…HEY!"

Both of them ignored her. She went over the men and smacked both of them.

"You two are both very ignorant little cretins! You are useless in every sense. You are both bird brained, dim witted, simple ("Mina…") ton, Numskull, ("MINA…")push over, idiotic, ("MINAAA") bone headed ("Yeah, we got it…")dorks, and sorry ("You done yet?") Excuses for humans! I WISH YOU WHERE MORE LIKE DORIAN!"

Mina realized what she had just said. Her eyes widened and there was a short awkward silence.

The silence was soon broken by Tom, "oooOOOO00000! Someone likes Dorian!"

Mina rolled her eyes, took the cane and went back to the front seat of the car and they continued.

Tom turned to Skinner, "Pft. Totally called it!"


	3. Chapter 3

Back in hell, Dorian and the Devil where having a chock full'o fun time discussing in detail, who and what came to hell.

"So who is this Bob the builder guy?"

"Oh, well Americans are so dimwitted."

"Tell me about it," said Dorian under his breath.

"It's funny what Americans watch. I mean com'mon! Give them a vampire, an invisible man, a scientist and his monster, a pirate and his boat, an immortal, and two gun o' holics, and they are happy!"

Dorian thought that over in his mind and mouthed the word "what" in confussion.

"Any way," continued the Devil, " I can't believe he is still alive!"

Dorian snapped out of his daze and asked, "who?"

"This Tom Sawyer kid. I believe you two have met," said the devil sniggering.

"Yes," said Dorian with a smug look, "I have had the…," Dorian searched for a word, "Pleasure of meeting Mr. Sawyer. And when I say pleasure I mean, dissatisfaction. How I loathe that boy. The worst part about it is he is probably making moves on Mina by now."

There was a silence in the room as they both pictured that couple. They both gagged in disapproval.

"how I hate that boy," added Dorian.

"First of all Dorian, you and Mina, it's over, and welcome to the club of anti- Sawyer. You think he causes hell on earth? I have to deal with everyone he has scandalized and fill out their departures from hell. You know how much work that is? Well, I'll tell you, it's hell in a hand basket!"

"Nice…SOOOO?"

"So what?"

"What are you going to do about him?"

"what do you mean? I am stuck down here all day! I can't just go pay him a visit, if you know what I mean. I have work."

"Yes, you have so much work while we force small talk. Com'mon… are SURE there isn't anything you can do?" Dorian batted his eyes sweetly and gave him the puppy face.

"Please, Mr. Gray, You know by now that that doesn't work on me!"

Dorian turned around and crossed his arms, "worked when I had a soul to sell," he mumbled.

"What was that, Mr. Gray?"

"Oh… NOTHING!" Dorian sighed and thought to himself for a moment.

"Say, Mr. Satan, our deal was, as long as the portrait wasn't destroyed, I would have eternal youth… right?"

"Yes, I suppose this is true. But where is your portrait right now?"

"I guess Mina has it."

"Then you're as good as dead," Replied the devil, " Skinner and Tom are probably going to burn it when they get home, then roast marshmallows over you decaying picture."

"THANK YOU! I FEEL SO LOVED NOW! Come on! It's worth a try. I mean think about it. You're not going to be the one going through the pains of death for the second time." "Even tough I shouldn't have died by looking at it the first time." He said under his breath, "Well anyway! You will get a chance to kill Tom!"

"Judging by what you said about him, I'm not sure I want him down here," the Devil gave Dorian a huge smirk.

Dorian was practically on his knees, "PLEASE! I would give anything to be with Mina again!"

"OH NO! He's getting sappy on me! OKAY OKAY! You're gone! gag NOW OUT! OUT! OUT! OUT! EWWW!"

A huge ring of fire swallowed Dorian and he was soon back on the surface of the Earth.

"Who would have thought… the only use for Mina was an excuse to get out of hell. Hmmm…"


	4. Chapter 4

Dorian stood up and looked himself over. He decided to go get some new clothes, for he was a narcissist and his present clothes where slightly dirty.

He walked around for a good half hour until he found a store worthy enough of him. He went inside and found another gray suit that looked almost exactly like his last one. He went to pay with his giant wad of cash in his pocket.

When he was done he walked outside and tried to decide where to go next. He reached a large metal wagon wioth a sticker on the back that said, "NEMO'S #1"

"Well that is one of THE most hideous chariots I have ever seen," Dorian stood there watching it go past. He finally made the connection.

"Nee-moo…? WHO in their right mind names someone NEE-MOO? Wait a second! …Nemo…!" He squinted his eyes in an evil glare at what he now realized was Nemo's "automobile"

Dorian hailed a carriage.

"Follow that white carriage!"

"Hmmm. I don't think that's white. It's more of an off white pearl."

"JUST FOLLOW IT!"

"Right…right"

They rode off after the automobile. It finally came to a stop and Dorian made the driver stop a block away. Dorian handed the driver some chase and got out.

"WHAT! No tip?

"Nope," Dorian smirked and began to walk off.

"See ya' in hell!"

Dorian looked over his shoulder, "Been there done that," and continued.

He made it to the building with Nemo's car in font of it. It turned out to be a cookie store. The league was on line when Dorian walked in. Tom turned from the counter after getting his cookies and his mouth just hung open and he stared wide eyed.

"What has gotten into you Tom," Mina asked as she turned around. Her eyes laid upon Dorian and she let out a gasp. The rest of the team turned around and there was then a group gasp. "GASSSSSP"

Dorian walked over to the league.

"Is that my hat," Dorian asked looking on Tom's head, "Mina, Mina, Mina… you of all people should know not to mess with the dead. They might come back to haunt you."

"Am I see'in tings right?" asked Skinner as he lifted Dorian's cane from his side and went to poke him.

Skinner poked Dorian in the shoulder. Dorian looked at Skinner then moved the cane back down.

"Don't touch me."

"Well I'll be! Dat is 'im al rite!"

Dorian took his cane from Skinner and went to Tom. He looked Tom straight in the eye, gave him an evil glare, took one of Tom's cookies, and ate it in his face.

Tom stood with his mouth gaping open. Dorian smiled innocently the hat from Tom's head, placed it on his own and stepped back.

Tim finally formed words, "you did NOT just do what I think you did?"

"Well that depends, what do you think I did?" He smile again and blinked lovingly.

"URGH!" yelled Tom as he pulled out a gun and put it to Dorian's chest.

"You're having a hard time grasping the fact that I am immortal, aren't you?"

"I'm a slow learner," Tom pulled the trigger. Dorian stood still and the wound instantly healed.

"Feel better?"

"A little bit, yeah."

"Good, you're buying me a new shirt."

Mina rolled her eyes. Dorian's attention diverted to Mina.

"What a pleasure it is to see you again, Dorian" she said bitterly.

"And my pleasure, you mean dissatisfaction?

"Couldn't have said it better myself."

Tom and Skinner began to snicker to themselves.

"Go ahead boys, speak your mind," sighed Dorian.

The two men started laughing hysterically. After a few minutes of them trying to catch their breath, Tom got a few words out.

"Its…Its just…HAHAHAHA," Tom pointed to Mina and started to laugh again. "Okay, okay… Skinner, you tell them"

"Well what I think the American was trying to say was, she wouldn't let go of that blasted portrait de' entire ride 'ere! GOSH it's like she was afraid we where going to roast marshmallows ova' it o' sumptin!"

"Wait… the portrait?"

"Yeah. Ya know. De one o' that really, REALLY ugly ting and 'den wen you pulled an Houdini, it looked like you!"

"Not you Skinner. Mina, where is it?"

Mina looked away, " I have no idea what you are talking about."

Dorian put his hand on her shoulder, turned her around, and pushed her against the wall. She looked around nervously , and tried to get free.

"How the tables have turned, Mina. Now tell me… where is the portrait?"

"I will never tell you," she growled. She again tried to struggle out of Dorian's grasp.

Dorian slammed her back to the wall and agina asked in a deeper tone, "WHERE IS THE PORTRAIT?"

"I won't tell you," she yelled and then spat in his eye.

Dorian let go to wipe the saliva from his eye.

"You blood sucking wench!"

Mina grabbed Dorian's cane and pinned him to the wall.

"How original," sighed Dorian while Mina stepped back.

"Get the portrait," Mina ordered the men that decided to sit the fight between immortals out.

"Right 'o," yelled Skinner as he and Tom went to the car. They brought back the picture wrapped in the cover and gave it to Mina. She turned to Dorian, removed the cover and closed her eyes.

Dorian looked at he portrait and then nonchalantly looked back at Mina. Mina opened her eyes.

"Minnnnnnnnnnnna," moaned Tom, "You told me that last time he died all cool like!"

Dorian pushed the portrait down to see her face, "Are you done yet?"

He then pushed Mina to the side and unhooked himself from the wall. He went to Mina who was standing in shock.

"My gawd. Why won't ye die:

"It's possible I can't die," He looked back at mina with a wide smile.

"Funny Mr. Gray."

Tom walked over to Dorian and started to repetitively poke him in the shoulder. In the whiniest voice he could make he said, "Why aren't you DEAAAAAAAAD?"

Dorian took his sword cane and started to poke Tom's shoulder and said, "Why aren't YOU DEAAAAAAD?"

Tom moaned and grabbed 2 of his guns from their holsters. He started shooting rounds of bullets at Dorian's portrait, "DIE ZOMBIE!"

He kept shooting not realizing that the bullets where going through the picture and into Mina. He kept shooting until all of his bullets where gone.

Tom lowered his guns and everyone stared at him. There was a sudden thud and everyone turned to see that Mina had collapsed.

Tom got onto his knees and poked her in the cheek and whispered, "Miiiiinnnnnnaaaaa… wake upppp."

She suddenly opened her eyes and slapped Tom in the face.

"You immature selfish American brat!"

Tom rolled his eyes, "Here we go again."

Mina opened her mouth to ramble on again, but Dorian cut in.

"Excuse me but you are shooting at things and, need I remind you, we are in the middle of a public cookie store."

An employee slowly lifted himself up and looked over the counter. He meekly asked "are you finished?"

Tom looked in his pockets for more bullets, "nothing… yeah we're done."

"Good… now please leave or…"

"O wa't?"

"I'll call the police."

"Wooo scary police man!" Mina slapped Skinner in the back of the head.

"Com'mon boys, let's go."

"Well if that is what is going on, I'll get going now. Parting is such sweet sorrow." Dorian grabbed the portrait and ran out.


	5. Chapter 5

He stopped outside the door, "why the hell do I need this?"

There was a puff of fire that appeared in front of Dorian.

"What are you doing here?"

"I came to make an appointment with Martha Stewart and to take my little Smot to piss on Akasha's grave," he put his demonic pit-bull down. "I figured I would come here to tell you… that you don't need the portrait."

"…What?"

"You um, don't need it. It's like playing Poker with somebody else's money. You can go all in as many times as you want and you don't have to worry about it."

"So I don't need it… I could have known that a little earlier."

"Yes I suppose but then where is the fun in it for me?"

"Wow… so what do I do now?"

"Well you COULD actually do what you where sent here to do."

"You mean I actually have to do wooooooork!"

"Yup! Now get rid of sawyer."

"Wait, what happens after I kill him?"

"Hmmm… I never really thought that much of it. I mean I never thought that you would actually accomplishing SOMETHING. But I guess once you have proved your point, you come back to hell with me."

Dorian moaned, "I DON'T WANNA GO BACK!"

"Fine you little ingrate!"

There was a silence and in it the Devil said aloud to himself, "Am I really that bad?"

"Wow, who knew the devil was self conscious… So! What's the deal?"

"You come back with me now… or you can kill Sawyer, then you come back."

"BUT I DON'T WANNA GO BACK!"

"FINE! Fine. You kill Sawyer and in return you get another portrait and a new life."

Dorian thought it over, "Deal."

They shook on it and in a puff of smoke, the Devil vanished. Dorian stood in the middle of the street, holding the torn up portrait and dazing off into space He finally snapped out of his daze and threw his portrait to the side.

"Now what?" He thought to himself. He decided to stalk the rest of the League for the right moment to attack.

Dorian went back to the cookie store and watched as mina paid for the damages. Dorian snickered to himself. The league left the store and got into the new, lame, Nemomobile- aka- minivan. Surprisingly they did not head to the harbor to the Nautilus, but to a small bar like hotel.

Dorian followed them into the bar while lurking in the shadows.

Skinner proudly took his seat. The bartender strolled up, "The usual Rodney?"

"It's Skinner, nd Yeah. Get ma friends someting a little lighter."

"Anything for them it is." The bartender went to fill the order but spotted Tom. "Sorry kid, you can'r sit at the bar."

"What! I'm old enough to drink! See, I have my driver's license right here!"

"Yeah, you can drink… root beer at the kiddies table… and what the hell is a driver's license."

"Damn you Nemo. YOU KNOW WHAT! Fine… Mina, I'm gonna check out the rooms." Mina handed him the key. He walked afew steps, turned around, took the root beer off the counter and said "I'm takin THIS too!"

Dorian, who was watching the stupidity from afar, drank his Bloody Mary. When he saw Tom leave, Dorian threw a tip on the table and left unnoticed.

He followed the sound of Tom's foot steps upstairs. Tom finally stopped in front of room 815 and went inside.

When Dorian saw sure Tom was inside, he went up to the door and listened. Tom was busy watching TV. He couldn't decide on a channel because he kept flipping back and fourth. The room went silent for a moment and then he heard the shower go on.

Dorian tried the handle but it was locked. He searched his pockets for something to pick the lock with. He found a paperclip and actually got the door open.

"I knew boy scouts would pay off."

He went inside and found Tom had already made a mess.

Tom was still in the shower. Dorian pondered for a moment then as quietly as he could, walked into the bathroom, flushed the toilet, and ran out.

There was a loud scream of pain followed by, "Skinner! I'm going to kill you!"

Tom ran out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel in search of skinner. Tom rounded the corner and found Dorian standing in his cocky little pose.

"Boo," Dorian said softly. In reaction to this, Tom screamed,

"AHH!"

Dorian reacted quickly to Tom being shocked by screaming,

"AHH!" right back.

The screams continued back and fourth about 6 different times. Tom broke the chain by screaming, "AHH You PERVERT! What are you doing in my room! What are you GAY?"

There was a VERY awkward silence followed by, "GET THE HELL OUT SICKO!"

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that. You see, I was sent to kill you," Dorian took a knife to Tom's neck.

"Dude… at least have the decency to let me put on my pants. I mean com'mon. Honestly how would that sound? I can see it now, the head line: Dorian Gray Kills Man in Towel!"

"Alright, but hurry up and nothing funny," replied Dorian who would hate to ruin his own reputation.

"What could possibly be funny about putting on my pants?"

"I mean nothing that I wouldn't want you to do."

"Judging by the way you act… I would say you would like a guy better without his pants on"

"You're calling me gay again aren't you?"

"It would appear so," laughed Tom.

"Just get your pants on! Nothing funny. When I say funny nothing I don't like. When I say that I mean NO GUNS!"

"OOOOOO See, you need to be more clear about these things."

Tom left and got his pants on.

"Thank you…"

"No. no. no. I need a shirt now."

"STOP STALING!"

Tom started to dig through his bag and pulled on a bright yellow shirt."

Dorian shook his head in disgrace.

"What?"

"The shirt it's… Yellow… It's just not your color."

"GOSH! FINE…" He dug through his bag some more and threw a shirt at Dorian. "There's that shirt I owe you."

Dorian picked it up. It was pink with ruffles. " I thought it was YOU"

Dorian growled and threw the shirt to the side. "Why exactly do you have a pink fluffy shirt?"

Tom let out a laugh as he pulled on a T- shirt. "You don't wanna know. But I will say… I was pretty sauced that night."

"Very nice. So, are you ready to die Sawyer?"

"Honestly, It wasn't on my list to do."

"Too bad, so sad," Dorian took his knife out again and held it to Sawyer's neck. Before Dorian could take his final swipe, the door swung open and a drunken Skinner hopped in.

"EY! IT'S DORIAN! YEAY!" Skinner ran up to Dorian, shoved Tom aside and gave him a hug, "I Love you man! DORIAN! I gotta show you sump'tin!" Skinner garabbed Dorian's arm and pulled him outside. Dorian struggled to get out of the grasp of Skinner who was soon joined by Tom in shoving Dorian.

"Com on Dorian! Why Don't you want to come out to playyy?" teased Tom as he helped shove Dorian into the hall.

They finally got him out and at the top of Skinner's lungs, he yelled, "EY! EVERYONE! LOOKIE 'ERE!"

The rest of the league came out of their rooms.

Mina was in an all back nightgown, Jekyll in footie Pajamas, and Nemo in a night robe with a night cap and teddy bear.

"EVERYONE LOOK WHAT I FOUNDID!"

Mina was about to go on another rant but she saw Skinner had something important to show them. He quickly ruined his reputation by screaming in a drunk fashion, "LOOKY 'ERE LOOKY WHAT I FOUND! A Life size KEN DOLL! And it was just, just lying on Tom's floor."

"Thank you Skinner. I will be sure to put the doll back where it belongs."

Skinner gave Mina a nod and a big smile of accomplishment, and then fell flat face on the floor.

This scene was so bizarre that not even Dorian, who was now not being held, wanted to leave, but instead stared at Skinner.

It was silent for a full 5 minutes until Skinner picked himself up, wiped off his coat, and asked, "Wha'd I miss?"

Dorian replied by saying, "Good God man how drunk ARE you?"

"EY! Ken! I am NOT drunk! hiccup ok… maybe I am but at least I'm not made of PLASTIC…" Skinner walked up to Dorian and tripped over himself as he went to poke him. Skinner got his poke in but was now leaning against Dorian. Skinner looked up from his finger to Dorian's face and said, " Ello!"

Dorian pushed skinner back away from him and leaned him against the wall.

"Okay. Let me just do what I have to get done and leave!" Dorian took out his sword cane and put it to Sawyer's neck. Dorian slid the sword down his throat. Not enough to hurt him, but just enough so that he could feel the sharpness of the cold hard steel against his neck.

"Ready to die?"

Tom quickly took out a pocket knife he had snuck into his pocket from his bag earlier and slashed Dorian's hand. Dorian did nothing more move his sword closer to Tom's neck and tighten his grip. The slashes in Dorian's hand quickly healed and vanished.

"I take that as a yes."

Dorian was about to slice Tom's throat but was again interrupted by Skinner.

"WOAH! DID YA'LL SEE DAT! TATS CRAZY! HE'S NOT KEN! He's like IMMORTAL or sumptin!"

"Skinner my friend," Dorian called withot taking his eyes off of Sawyer, "you are one DUMB drunk!"

Skinner wobbled over to Dorian and Skinner's eyes lit up… or would have been if you could see them.

"O MY GAWSH! You… you…know my NAME!"

"Of course I do you MORON!" Dorian rolled his eyes keeping his grip tight.

"Are you… are you god?"

"WHAT! No Skinner! I am FAR from it!"

"Then can I have your autograph?"

"What? NO! Not now!"

"PLEASEEEE?"

"Skinner NO! I'm about to kill your one and only friend."

"NO NOT WAFFLEZ THE PONY?... I mean TOM! The least you could do is give my your autograph, Superman."

"Tell you what, I'll sign in his blood!"

Skinner let out a growl and stormed off to his room.

"Okkkkkkkay… any last words Sawyer?"

"Yes… Go to hell."

"Sorry, wont be there anytime soon."

Skinner ran out of his room and shoved Tom aside, "NOW DAT I GOTZ YA ATTETION! Can I pleazzzze 'ave ya autograph?"

He held out a piece of paper and a pen.

"PLEZZZZZZZZZZZZE"

"FINE! But only if you promise to leave me alone and let me kill him in peace!"

Dorian took the paper and signed, "Erm… Superman? AKA: Dorian Gray"

"Now PLEASE step aside."

"Sorry can't do that."

"What! WHY NOT?"

"I am you #1 let alone only fan! I am now… YOUR #1 STALKER!"

sigh "Then as my loyal fan, I order you to step aside!"

"Yes sir."

Skinner stepped back but when he moved, Dorian realized this was all a setup and Tom had gotten away.

"You really tink I cant 'old ma drink! Need yo learn a bit mor' bout 'ya fans now don't ya?"

Skinner gave Dorian a cocky smile, wiped the rest of his makeup and ran off.

Dorian stood speechless in the middle of the empty halway. After a few moments he said to himself, "You make have won the battle Sawyer, but you haven't won the war. I WILL get you

Dorian slowly walked off and began his quest once more.


	6. Chapter 6

Night time

The League woke the next morning before Dorian could try to kill Tom again.

They drove in Nemo's mini van with no clue of where they were or where they where heading.

Tom leaned over and poked the very hung over skinner.

"What's it like to be hammered beyond belief?" Tom asked.

Skinner rolled his eyes, "It's fun while it lasts, but yah don't have to worry bout tat for anotha few years. Ya' 15 rite?"

Tom tried to stand in protest but hit his head on the top of the car. He put a hand to his head and yelled, "I'M 23 FOR YOUR INFORMATION!"

Mina and Nemo laughed, "If you're 23 then why haven't you gotten drunk yet?" Nemo asked.

"I've been drunk, just not as bad as him! I was a secret agent" Tom yelled.

"Then I suppose you have been laid?"

Tom's mouth hung open for a good minute, "THAT'S NOT NICE TO SAY WITH A LADY PRESENT," yelled Tom.

Skinner looked arouns, "I tought we left Dorian at da' hotel!" Tom began to laugh hysterically.

"I'll take that as a NO," Nemo said and Tom stopped laughing.

"NOT FUNNY, MAN!" Tom took out his gun and started cleaning it. The gun went off and shot out of the side of the car.

"BLOODY HELL!" Skinner yelled as Nemo pulled the car over. Mina went to take the gun away but Tom leaned back and held it while saying, "MINNNNE. No Touchy!" Mina gave up and they continued down the road after her speech. As they made their way down the road, traffic began to slow down as they got closer to the next town. Nemo began to honk his horn as he inched his way up. Soon they got up to what was stopping traffic and saw that a car had caught on fire. Nemo was still laying on the horn while passing. Traffic stopped again and the team was right in next to the wad of police and firemen.

A police man walked over to the car. "Is everything alright?" The officer leaned over to look inside and saw the bullet holes in the side of the car. "Mind if I take a look inside your car?"

"I'd rather you didn't," replied Nemo.

"Please step out of the car, sir."

Nemo got out and the officer looked in to see Tom holding his shot gun. The officer got back out and took out his walkie talkie.

cuur "Yeaaaa we have a live one here, bring in back up, over." curr

"Step out of the car son."

Tom looked up from cleaning his gun and stared up blankly, totally oblivious to what was going on.

"Whaaaaaaaat?"

"Come on now. We are bringing you in."

"Who? No, what's going on?"

curr "He's resisting arrest. Bring it in, over." curr

"No, really. What is going on?"

curr"He appears to be intoxicated too, over."curr

Skinner broke in, "He is ANYTING cept drunk!"

"HEYY!" Tom yelled back.

"OK! OK! Settle down now or I'll have the justice system on your ass!"

"I'm part of A.S.S.!"

"Quit the small talk."

"FINE!" Tom got up to get out and put his hand on the officer's shoulder to steady himself, "Excuse me."

"WOAH! WOAH! WOAH! You are in violation of code 4815162342, entering personal space of an officer!"

"You're kidding, right?"

"Talking back to a police officer?"

"Did you get that badge from a toy store?"

"THAT'S IT! YOU ARE GOING DOWN!"

curr "Bring in the swat team!" curr

Soon, any police not working at the accident were surrounding the League, who where shaking their heads in disgrace.

"You have the right to remain silent! Anything you say can and will be against you."

A higher ranked officer walked over, "What seems to be the problem?"

"He has disobeyed orders and violated codes 4815162342 through H0-180H4830987!"

"You mean …he stole a chillie cheese hot dog from a seagull on the 9th oh June that falls on a Wednesday!"

"Well… everyone except that one. But we have reason to believe that he is holding these people hostage. Take a look," said the police man pointing at the League.

Tom was watching while on the ground in hand cuffs. He watched them force the rest of the League out of the car and take all of his guns out.

"I have permits for all of those!" He watched as one person drag Mina out and at the same time another person threw Matilda to the side. "HOW DARE YOU TREAT MATILDA… I mean… Mina like that. Hehehe"

After about a half hour they got to the last of the ammo. When they finished cleaning out Nemo's car, Tom woke up from his nap on the ground. The officer turned to the League, "ya'll are free to go. We are going to have to take the disobeyer of the law in."

Without starting anymore trouble, the team said goodbye promising to come back for him and got in the car and left. The team drove off and Tom was left to the dark depths of the justice system.


	7. Chapter 7

Tom was crammed into the back seat of the police car and they started their way down to the station.

Tom was used to being treated like this by now and just stared out the window. Tom learned forward to talk to the officer, "hey… can I turn on the siren?" The officer looked over his shoulder and then went back to driving. Tom leaned in more, "Common?"

"Don't make me get the tazer, kid!"

"Easy, easy." Tom fell back into his seat. 10 minutes later he began to get restless again.

"I'm hungrrrrrrrrrrry!"

"Quiet back there."

Again Tom got bored, "Are we there yet?... Are we there yet?... Are we there yet?"

"SHUT THE HELL UP! And yes. We are."

They rolled up to the police station and Tom was shoved out of the car. He walked inside and was led to his sell. He was assured someone would be back in a little while to get his information.

Normally, by this time he would have already had had a plan to break out, but this time he didn't have his partner in crime. He sat back and tried to keep his mind off of boredom. As soon as he reached the point between consciousness and dreaming, the cell door swung open.

"Mr. Sawyer. Tom Sawyer?" He opened his eyes and stood up.

"That would be me. Secret Agen—"

"Yes, can you fill this out?" he shoved the clip board into Tom's hands.

"So when will I get out?"

"HeHe. Funny kid. You have to get your punishment in a fair trial first, and that may not be for another 3 days. From what it says you did here, you shouldn't be thinking about going back to high school anytime soon. You should start getting ready for college and the real world, boy. "

"I'M 23! And for what? I didn't do anything!"

"That's what they all say. Now, fill out the papers and call me over when you're done."

Tom started filling out the papers. Name, that was easy, date of birth that was easy too. Now here's the part that wasn't easy. #23, 'How many weapons do you/have owned in the last year?' He stared at the page with wide eyes. Finally he put the pen to paper and wrote a side ways '8' to symbolize the infinite sign.

"There we go."

He finished up and then handed it in. This reminded him of when he heard of kids taking tests. He never actually experienced it first hand for he always played hooky and never actually got an education.

Now it was time for Tom to relax because he literally had nothing else better to do. He soon fell asleep and was having a wonderful dream about Matilda and ponies. Unfortunately, his fantasy dream land was soon crushed.

He was woken by the screeching noise of the prison door opening and when he saw who walked in, his heat sunk and his eyes widened.

"Oh Snap." OO


	8. Chapter 8

I just realized… I haven't had a disclaimer for the entire story so far… hmm 8th chapter. That isn't that bad is it? XD Here is goes:

I do not own LXG… wish I did… but I don't

(although I did read somewhere that all of the characters from novels ((so not Skinner)) could be written about because they aren't owned by anyone anymore… better safe then sorry…) Anywayzzzz Enjoy PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ME, COMMENT! Burns are cool, I like fire.

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Dorian was led into his prison cell in handcuff. Tom turned his head away so that Dorian wouldn't recognize him.

"I'll be back with papers for you to fill out. You two get along while I'm gone," the officer left and licked the door behind him.

Dorian took a seat on the bench on the opposite side of Tom. Tom was desperately trying not to make any sounds.

Dorian, on the other hand was dying for someone to say something, "Sooooooo. How are you today?" Dorian thought over the stupid question in his head, 'or course he's having a miserable day, he's in jail.' "Umm… not much of a talker… so how did you wind up here?" Tom said nothing, "So, should I just start my tale of woe on how I managed to get into a place like this?"

Tom was trying as hard as he could not to say anything but he let himself go, "I assume you wanted to come here because you wanted to get rid of the flaws in your character? And face your demons?"

Dorian sat in shock, "Sawyer?" he asked with a growl.

Tom turned around, "Special Agent Tom Sawyer." Tom smirked.

"IS THIS SOME SORT OF A SICK JOKE?" Dorian looked to the floor knowing the devil was watching, "it IS isn't it" –sigh-

"So how is it that a pretty boy like you gets into a place like this?"

"Are you going to shut up and listen, or just pester me?"

"A bit of both."

"Alright."

Tom sat up and looked with big 'story time' eyes.

"It was right after I had seen you back at the hotel…"

"You tried to kill me there!"

"Quiet you. So as I was saying, I was trying to think of another plan to get you."

"Great news."

"I said quiet. I needed to relax for a little bit and take my mind off of things. I saw a sign for an show in a museum. This intrigued me so I went inside. There wasn't anything all that interesting until I walked further and saw a lovely portrait of a young woman. Something lured me to it, like I had recognized it. I stood adoring the intricate work. I leaned over to see who it was made by, 'this painting was done by: Basil Hallward' I was so enraged that I took out my sword cane and slashed the painting. As I drew back the sword for one last slash someone had the brains to get in the way. I stabbed them… BY ACCIDENT… and now I'm here."

"MAN SLAUGHTER! WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You're going away for a loooooooong time!"

"Not unless we find a way out of this dump."

"YOU are up for breaking out?"

"Well think about it, if I get put away for life, which would really suck… A LOT!"

"You have a point."

"So what do you got?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do you have any weapons? Anything?"

Tom looked in his pockets and found nothing except 1 bullet.

"That's all I have."

"Nothing except a comb and nail files."

"Figures. Ok, now what do we do?"

"I have an idea. Let's start hacking away at the bars on the window."

They both started sawing at the window. Hours later they got the bars to almost their breaking points.

"Now all we can do is wait, Sawyer."


End file.
